Here it goes. The first post. I am not sure what has made this first post so intimidating that it has taken me over two months to write.
A. The admittance that the next step of my life, for the first time in 16 years, does not include enrolling in classes or attending the first day of school.
B. I graduated and left the place I felt the most comfortable, moved across the world to a country to “do ministry” and learn from a culture that pushed me out of my comfort zone on multiple fronts.
C. In 13 days I will be embarking on a one year journey in which I knowingly volunteered to do it all again.
D. All of the above.
I am drowning. It’s obvious, expected even. It is overwhelming to be tossed around in an ocean of change and transition. At the same time though, it’s strangely comforting to know that in the sea of confusion is where God chooses to meets us.
In Matthew 14, Jesus not only calms the wind and the waves, but rebukes the entire storm. He commands the waters and the skies themselves. Then breaks every notion of normalcy as He strides effortlessly through the chaos directly towards me.
Such awesome love.
As I flounder in the waves (no pun intended) I know that my fear, confusion, and exhaustion overwhelm me–pushing me deeper into the abyss. When I see the world spinning around me, or myself spinning around the world, I am afraid. In the storm the disciples are overcome with fear when they see Jesus on the water. Jesus speaks to them and says, “Do not be afraid. Take courage. I am here!” (Matt 14: 27).
God is in my life. Physically. Taking up space. By my side. He was there, is here, will be there. His very presence is enough for me to take courage going into the next season of life. I await excitedly for all the ways in which God will show His love for me this next year as I grow to trust Him more.
I have no idea what this year will bring. I know that I will feel uncomfortable, exited, inspired, challenged, homesick, tired, joyful, moved, and renewed.
Pray for me to be okay with the unknown, learn to take courage in knowing who is by my side, and try to balance all the emotions of fear and excitement heading into the this next season.